what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
