it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm both gender and math confused
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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