i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
