I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
