i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
