So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
