Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Vodka?
Forever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
