I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
