Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
