well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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