i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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