Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
