I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
