How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize