I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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