Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
