I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
