Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
