What did we do last night that was yellow?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Green mimosas i think yes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
