i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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