Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
