i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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