those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
