I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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