I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
