guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
