i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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