the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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