apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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