we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
