Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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