My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I want to fling myself into the sun
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
