I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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