I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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