Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
