Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
