i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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