i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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