Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Boobs speak an international language.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
