walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
