I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
