fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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