she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
