Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
