he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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