tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
