God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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