my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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