It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
