she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
