I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
