I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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