my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
