Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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