I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
