When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
