Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
