Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
