I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
im on a boat
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