I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
