i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
