I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
