I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize