Having a random hookup so left but love u
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
