I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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