i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
