it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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