Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
