Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you

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(260): View more from Indiana

the scent of your tears make me crave pizza

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(302): View more from Delaware

Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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(757): View more from Virginia

also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile

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(310): View more from California

and you fell through a lawn chair

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology

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