there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
