May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
