The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
