forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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