In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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