went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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