Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
