We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to make out with him forever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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