sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
