It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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