do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize