11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
