Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
