I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
