Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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