Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
