My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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