Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
