bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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