Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sarcasm needs its own font
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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