You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
