I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
People in love make me want to vomit
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
