Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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