Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
