5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
