can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
