I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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