Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
