wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
