I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
