we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
