u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
